Humour from the Darkside ... of the line. - Never ending game of Uno!

In 1997 / 1998 I moved in to a house with four chef friends of mine, Corey (aka Putzy), Blain (aka Blainer or Mel), amd Trevor (aka Gunner Bob or Leonard) my best friend / mentor chef/ current chef. We had some epic adventures and laughs, but one particular event on December 23 of '98 comes to mind. This evening was a rare occurence where we all had the evening off (I was the unfortunate one that had to work Christmas Eve) so we decided to play a game of Uno.

As we hunkered down in the living room we decided to pour some of our stash of Crown Royal, our drink of choice and we each had a bottle or two saved for the holidays. now I don't know whos brilliant idea it was but we decided to put 2 decks of Uno together and play. I had never played before but quickly came to the conclusion that it is basically like Crazy Eights and the game was on. 

 What none of us knew is that one hand would last all night as someone always had an 8 or a 4 or a 2 and the game just got ridiculous but we didnt care. We had the Christmas music playing and Trevor bartending and the jokes and sarcasm flying, a great night of male bonding, Now we started this game around 5 or 6 in the evening, had ordered some "Death Disk" as Blainer liked to call it and the drinks were flowing. 

Our drink of choice between all of us was Crown Royal and we could all handle our drinks pretty good and never paid attention to when around 10 or 11pm Trevor had said that we were running low on mix. We were all too wobbly to drive and get some coke / pepsi so we just carried on with the fun and merriment of the game. Around 1am Jackie, Trevor's girlfriend said she was going to bed and we kept playing, and drinking. When 5:30am came we decided to pack it in as I had to work at 8am, back then I could do that kind of self inflicted torture and not have it affect my work. 7am came around and jackie woke me up and we car pooled to work as she only worked a few blocks from where I did, that and I was in no shape to drive.

I get to work set up the line and knowing that we close at 3pm and that we are not open Christmas day and do not need to do any prep I decide to sit at the bar and have a quick nap. An hour goes by and Danuta (aka Dana, our Polish dishwasher / cleaner) wakes me up and says "Scott, you have to get ready for work."

I go upstairs to get changed and mid change I randomly lean over towards the toilet and empty the contents of my stomach. I had never had anything like that happen to me before after a night of drunken debauchery.  I felt fine, a wee bit wobbly but fine, so I continued to get ready to open and started my shift.  The day came and went, I got a bit hung over for a little bit until I snagged some lunch then continued on, I anxiously waited for the day to end though.

Around 2 pm the boys showed up to see how I was doing, drop off my vehicle and get a ride with Jackie back home. Blain and Putzy were rough but Trevor was down right hungover more so than all of us combined; "Ha, lightweight" I thought to myself. 

After shooting the shit for a few mins Trev comes over and says "Do you know how much we drank last night? 

" The 40 pounder?" I asked

"Nope, we drank between the 4 of us the 60 pounder (60 oz bottle) a 40 pounder (40 oz bottle) and two and a half 26ers of Crown.." he responds and I was aghast at the volume of booze but he continues to talk ".. with only 2 litres of mix!"  

"What the F***????? I knew they were strong but i thought you found more mix!" I exclaimed.

"No man, I just gradually made them stronger and when we were out of mix i just kept adding to your glass before it was empty so it had some color in it from the previous drink." Trevor proclaimed before crawling over to some benches in the lounge area of the open concet restaurant and laid down for a nap / passout session.

Sure enough later that night when I got home there were empty bottles all over the kitchen and only a 2 litre of Pepsi to show for it. And being the guy I was back then I believed in hare of dog so I poured myself a rye that night to "cure" any hangover I might still have. I had one sip and i was done and Christmas day at home with my family was no better, it was a no drinking few days I had as the smell just turned me off in the next few days after that episode. 

I have never played Uno since. Rye is still my friend but now it is a different brand, Forty Creek but Crown will always be my go to when out and about. 

The Christmas Party and the Goosh!

Back in the late 90's or early 2000 I was working as a sous chef in Kitsalano, a sub urb of Vancouver and during my days off I was the "chef" for my best bud/mentor chef's slow pitch team. All season I hung out with the boys and did up the BBQ eats agter the game while they were enjoying the wobbly pops after the game. Good times were had by all  through out the year.

Anyways this one December saturday night I was working for a closed door private event for a big global tech company ; we were catering a big buffet feast including carved beast and pizzas. For this event I was working the pizza station facing the front door and smiling / showing off to guests as they came in. Lo-and-behold one of the ball team guys walks in, takes a look at me and yells out "Scott what F%$# are you doing here?" The question is obviously rhetorical as I was clearly working on the meals about to commence.So I talked to him for a little bit and came to realize not only did he work for the company but he was actually the vice-president for western Canada.

So I went back to work as my friend went back to having his office holiday cheer party. Through out the night the general manager of my restaurant Brent mentioned to me a few times that my friend was doing him a favour by drinking up the port bottles that we had and were not selling. An expensive taste to have but as always we were happy to supply the product as long as the customer pays, win win for everyone.

So the night began to wind down and as I was due to work the next morning I headed off but first had to say good by to my friend known as Goosh. I walk up to the bar where he was sitting and said good night only to be told to sit my ass down and have a drink with him. Goosh then asks me "Have you ever drank port before?"

"No" came my response.

" Get my friend a port." Goosh asks Brent who was doing some bartending.
Brent brings over a glass of the sweet nectar and tells Goosh that it is the last bottle.
"Well you should go to the store and get some!"

After a brief conversation Brent went and got 4 bottles. The night progressed and as one of my co-workers went to leave he came and said good bye and Goosh made him sit down too and enjoy some of the sweet nectar. Long story short, we were the only ones drink port that night and ended up polishing off 6 bottles; apparently we only had 4 bottles in stock as they never sell. My buddy said I can crash on his floor instead of driving as he only lived 2 blocks away.

Working in restaurants you realize it is a small world and that you should never take someone for whom they seem to be as I would never would have guessed that Goosh was a VP of a multi milliion dollar company.

I found out a year or two later that he was offered a promotion which would have him move to New York to work at the World Trade Centre a couple months before 9/11. He ended up declining to make the move.

Be thankful for every moment you have with friends and family as you never know what fate has instore for you or them; especially thank them if they introduce you to some great port!

My Dinner was Fantastic .. but I am not paying for it!

Seriously this did happen, as crazy as it sounds some people just feel entitled.

So many moons ago I was working for an English family as thier head chef at a local pub. Together we built the foundations of a successful busy pub within the first year of business. We had loyal clientele and excellent food and with weekends being standing room only most times.. 

This delusional situation was on a friday night, about 2 months after we opened and towards the end of my 14 hour day when one of the owners, James, said that a table wanted to speak to me. I asked James if everything was okay and he said he believed so "they ate all thier plates clean." he said; Alicia, the customer's guest service engineer, said that they dont want to pay for thier prawns but had eaten them all. So after a quick change in apron and chef jacket I headed out to the table to see what is going on.

"Yes sir, how can I assist you?" I ask as I arrive to the table, curiuos as to what is going on.

"First of all I want to say what you are doing here is fantastic and the meal was excellent, but the problem I have is that these are shrimp and not prawns and will not pay for them." he says all smugly. I quickly glance at the table of guests, noting that they are embarassed by his actions then quickly glance at james whom is standing to my right. 

"I assure you they are prawns sir. The case which I order is Black Tiger Prawns which comes from the Indian Ocean. " I reply.

"No they are not! Besides The Keg serves bigger ones!" he replied while starting to give serious attitude.

"I am sorry sir, you ate it, said you liked it and you are going to pay for it." i said then turned and looked at James and went back to the kitchen. 

As I am walking away I hear James say "Pay your bill and get the fuck out"

I ignore what was going on because I was pissed at the audacity of the situation and the moron who is the cause of it. After about 10 minutes James comes back to the kitchen, "Did you hear that?"

"No, what?" 

'You walked away and he said something to the effect of "keep walking fat ass!" so I told him to pay his bill and get the fuck out" James told me as he was still amped up about it, 

I was pleased to see/hear that James had my back and stood up to the rudeness that buddy displayed.

I don't know why some people feel self entitled to act the way they do. The fact of the matter is that prawns and shrimp are interchangeable in the cooking world. 

When searching the difference on line this is what I found:

Prawns have claws on three of their five pairs of legs, shrimp have claws on two of their five pairs of legs. Their gills and body shape are different too. As far as cooking them goes, they are virtually identical and interchangeable.

Most chefs know this and 99% of the customers can't tell the difference as the taste and flavor are the same. Although this is a rare occurance for this situation there have been many times over the years that people have felt entitled to compensation of some sort, and most times it is warranted, to a certain degree; however there are too many people who are over zealous with making a scene and standing up and making it known to the room and world that they demand satisfaction. All i can say is when these people show up is that while you may be correct in your situation, being an ass and making a scene just makes you look like a dick. When you treat others with respect you will get better results as had he probably would have recieved a discount from me or I would have bought it for him out right had he not caused a scene or been rude. 

Being in kitchens and having pride in what you do you have to have thick skin.

The Love Affair with Food - Part 3 The Golden Age

I was now in Kitsalano at an open kitchen concept pub restaurant and in my mind this was one of the first gastro pub concepts in the Vancouver area. 

Fiascos (late changed to Mark's then Mark's Fiasco), sounds like a disaster already doesn't it? I won't lie there may have been times when it definitely fit that moniker but ovrall it was a great experience. The restaurant was attached to the Mark James Clothing Store a very high end clothing store selling Hugo Boss, Armani and the likes which garnered a high end clientele (more about that later).

I was brought in as the sous chef as the company was expanding to its 4th location, The Whistler Brewhouse in Whistler BC and the location I went to was losing its sous chef and pizza chef. This is where I learned the art and technique of pizza making and cooking in a wood oven. I was excited and nervous about this as it was quite a departure from the controlled environment of a gas guage that you can simply turn up or down. 

My second shift happened to be Tuesday's $6.99 price pizza night. Geez Louise! we prepped up 200 pizza doughs on top of what we already had and must have sold around 280 of them. Sink or swim time and I treaded water. I eventually came to know everything I could about making pizza dough, throwing the rolled dough and baking the pizza in the wood oven. I was a master at pizzas and had a great teacher, Mr Grumpy aka Todd aka Toddler.  I was so very happy when I finally knew how to throw the dough 20 feet in the air and catch it, how to recognize the right temperature of the wood oven by the glow of the embers. I hated Tuesdays with a passion but loved learning pizzas.

I eventually moved on to the other side of the open kitchen to the grill and pasta side. We made the pasta fresh from scratch and the quality was night and day difference from what I was used to.  I got to be apart of the seasoning and development of the stuffed pastas such as the Goat Cheese Ravioli and the Salmon Tortellini. I loved being apart of creating the flavor profiles, being apart of making a menu truly from scratch, I now realized that this was where my passion truly was. I was given free range by my best friend the head chef, to create specials and help with developing new menu items and recipes.  

To me working at Fiascos was the golden age of my cooking career; I was a salaried employee making the best money I had at this point. I truly felt that I was at the top of my game and I felt at this point I had the skills to prove it. 

The end of summer finally came and the true test had finally come, the Vancouver Molson Indy Party. The annual event that we hosted for the drivers, their wives, sponsors and all people related to the Indy race. This was heald on the Friday before the Indy race and it was a whos who of the Indy scene back in the 1990's. All the racers including Greg Moore, Dario Fanchitti and his wife movie star Ashley Judd, Trevor linden from the Vancouver Canucks, Jason Preistley and Luke Perry from that ever popular Beverly hills 90210 show, Daved Bennefield the all star linebacker for the BC Lions, members from the newly franchised Vancouver Grizzlies, everyone who was someone in Vancouver were there. 

We had gotten a special event liscence and permission to close up the street infront of the restaurant to help accomodate the 1200 guests that would essentially be there all at once. We closed for the day to the public and every one of us spent 8 to 10 hours prepping just to turn around and work the night serving up the creations. Every year was a different theme from Vegas then to a Variety show, a southern BBQ and then New Orelans Mardi Gras when I was there. It was intense prepping but we got it done and executed beautifully.  Schucking 500 pounds of oysters, fileting 400 pounds of salmon, prepping up 3000 canapes or just making 300 pizza doughs, Craziness!

Afterwards when all was said and done the staff had a make shift cleaning party; the sales reps left us extra beverages to sip and the left over food kept us going while we cleaned up. So much fun and hard work and great experience, 

I had many opprotunities meet the whos who of the entertainment world when working there. the clothing store brought in alot of famous people. Some of whom I met: Arnold Schwartzenegger when he was filming "the 6th day" ; Dwayne, The Rock, Johnson during the height of his WWE career; the wierdest of celebrity hang out buddies, Andy Dick and Cuba Gooding Jr who were hanging out together. and many more. I actually started taking a camera to work and leaving it in my work bag so i could snap some pics of course the one time i remember I have it the batteries are dead!

This photo I took of my buddy Irv who is blowing up a stack of Dr. Pepper shooters on Christmas Eve.

All the fun and cool things aside I had a chance to once again make soups and sauces from scratch as well. The creativity that was flowing within me was strong and my yearning to learn as much as I could was on point  with absorbing all I could; eventually though it was time to move on. I felt ready to take on the world, and soon I would after a brief stint as a cook for a friend who was running his first kitchen. Al needed help getting through the busy summer season at a top tourist destination. So I hleped Al out and at the end of the summer, and after 12 years in various cook jobs I took on my first chef role at the Silvertone Pub in Vancouver.

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